Trying To Be Creative When Your Health Sucks!

My Health

For over thirty-five years I had practically zero health issues. I took no medication, exercised regularly, was in okay shape, never overweight, and my diet was absolutely fine. I wasn’t an athlete, far from it, but I looked after myself. Creative wise, I wrote or took photo’s for forty to sixty hours per week. It was what I did either as freelance work, or an attempt to one day sell a screenplay. I slept very little, and functioned perfectly fine on that. I never had any issues motivating myself, had great discipline, and never felt too tired to write.

The last five years however have been a very different story. After being diagnosed with type two diabetes (hereditary) and having several thyroid issues during covid times which couldn’t be treated properly by the doctors as they had their hands full with the whole world falling apart, my health has been far from stellar. Add to that, the diabetes has also caused me to have high cholesterol (also fucking heredity) and low testosterone (age or diabetes, who knows at this point) my poor health is now on my mind every single day.

The doctors made it clear that none of it was my fault, it’s all genetics, and while there are obviously some things I can do to help myself, by and large I’m now fully reliant on medication. Between the meds, and the various problems themselves, my day to day life has been drastically impacted. The biggest problems from a creative standpoint being, my low energy levels and lack of motivation.

Toll Bad Health Has Taken On My Creatively

I don’t see it mentioned anywhere near enough how much bad health can directly affect your creativity. Maybe that’s because most are focused purely on getting better, but one of my main immediate concerns was how my poor health has affected me doing what I love the most, writing and taking photos.

It has all taken such a massive toll on me. The fluctuating blood sugar levels have hugely affected my mood. The thyroid issues completely fucked with my energy levels. The testosterone stuff depresses the hell out of me as I watch my body fall apart. And, it has combined to become an endless cycle of misery.

The effects get me down. Then, not having the ability to do anything about it makes it worse. Which then, ultimately, makes me feel even worse! It’s horrible. Together, it all makes me feel absolutely worthless and pathetic. I hate it. In turn, this then either stops my writing completely due to how i’m feeling, or, stops me writing for long stretches of time because I simply don’t have the energy or will. It can feel like a losing battle, and in a lot of ways, it is.

Battling My Need To Be Creative

So now i’ve clarified my woe me misery, it brings me to why I want to write this somewhat raw blog. Simply put… I have to write. Poor health or not, I have to tell stories.

In the interest of being completely honesty, writing (along with watching and talking about film) is what keeps me alive. It’s my life blood. Maybe not literally (i’m not a biologist so I don’t know how these things work) but it is why I get out of bed in the morning. So, I need to write, in order to live. My medical problems however have made that increasingly difficult, but, here’s what i’ve learnt:

Because the problems I have have all been genetic, or just random bad luck, I obviously tried to fight against it all, which isn’t possible. High blood sugar kicked my ass. High cholesterol has increased my chance of death within the next ten years. Low testosterone has depressed me. The thyroid stuff previously debilitated me. The medication and exercise help, but ultimately, I can’t overcome these problems, only keep them in some kind of check.

Despite all that I had a stubborn mindset and tried to continue with the work ethic and schedule I used to have in my twenties and thirties before these mounting problems. That’s where I went horribly wrong. It was a losing battle. And, every time I lost, I got more down on myself, and lost a little bit more. Unknowingly contributing to my own downfall, when I had enough problems already.

Trying To Understand And Adapt

What i’ve finally learnt, is I have to accept I can’t be what I was. I don’t mean that in a strictly less than way, as that sounds derogatory, but I need to adopt that increasingly cliche attitude of working smarter, not harder. My body and mind demand it.

I can’t put in ten hour days anymore. The thing I prided myself on is gone. But, can I satisfy my creative needs in two, three, four hours? Then, if I can do that, will that give my energy levels an extra push to put in another hour? If not, ok. If so, great. It‘s a bonus rather than a necessity. If I stop at the right moment, can I then carry on the momentum tomorrow? Sometimes no, but with the right balance and understanding of my capabilities now, the answer is increasingly becoming yes.

Then there’s the other part of the equation. If I have a few good creative days and then feel shit, I need to know and accept feeling shit is just part of what’s now wrong with me. I need to take a day off. In the past, i’d have cursed myself for taking the needed day off, what a waste, but now I have to view it as an investment.

If I take this day off, i’ll probably be ok for the rest of the week. If I force myself to carrying on writing, take photos, or whatever creative activity i’m doing when i’m feeling terrible and unmotivated, i’m probably then going to feel awful for the rest of the week. Or longer. Maybe even a fortnight, or a month. The days can blur together pretty damn quickly when you’re feeling down. I’ll end up losing more time, when I could have simply taken that original day or two.

It is a difficult mindset to get around, even if it sounds simple, because it goes against my natural instinct. I love writing, so it has never felt like work to me. But, it does take a mental and physical toll, one which previously never affected me the way it does now. (Baring the occasional burnout because i’m stupid and pushed myself too far every couple of years) But now that toll does affect me on a daily basis, and I need to work around it, rather than trying to plough through it. Rests are good. Working less is good. Putting my health first makes me more productive. Doing less, in the long run, helps me do more.

What Else Helps?

Outside of stopping when I need to, and being generally creative for less hours of the day, a few other things have personally helped me, and maybe they could aid you too. (I’m not a doctor, this is just personal experience)

Exercise is the thing which has helped me the most, especially with my diabetes. Obviously that goes with a decent diet, but exercise lowers my blood sugar and gives me energy more than anything else i’ve tried. There’s a give and take there however as when you first start exercising it will make you more tired. But, longterm, you will have more energy. It’s a worthy investment both for your health, and your creativity.

Resting has also become essential, as i’ve kind of mentioned. That can be doing nothing. Watching a movie. Playing Switch. Whatever. It’s not time wasting or lazy, even if your mind or society try to convince you so. If your health sucks, often, you need more rest. It can do wonders. The sooner you feel a bit better, the more creative you can be. If however you’re constantly forcing things, you won’t do your best work. Or, you’ll stop all together.

Alongside resting also comes giving yourself a day off whenever you need it, or even when you don’t. (Treat yourself) Again, it’s not lazy. It’s self preservation. An investment. That day off will more than likely boost your energy levels and motivation for the future days.

Working Within The Restraints

Lastly, just to re-emphasise what i’ve already said, understanding your body and mind can’t work the way it used to will be your biggest help. It will help you reset your goals, and work in a smarter manner. It will mean you’re less harsh on yourself, and therefore hopefully won’t be as depressed about not getting as much done. This can be key.

Little bits every day or week add up. It’s all better than nothing. If you write two hundred words a day you can still write a book each year. A photo a day will eventually make you a better photography. Draw something small. Learn a little something on an instrument and stop before you’re tired. Creativity is about the process and journey, doing less rather than nothing still means you’re on at creative journey. Okay that’s a little cheesy, but its true.

I’ve hated large sways of these last five years and my health is getting worse not better. I’ve had to have some very honest chats with the doctors and try and gain what little control I can. But, i’m as determined as ever to make a new go of my creative career.

I can’t write as long as I used too, but I can write better. I can be more mature about things, and manage my time in ways I never used to have to consider. I can accept that I need to give myself a break when my body tells me too, and know its for the greater good (greater good) I can get stuff done, even if it’s not to my previous lofty expectations.

It’s bullshit that I have to make these compromises, but it’s also what life has dealt me. I can either cry about it, or make the most of what I can do. So while I will still cry, bitch, and moan about my misfortune, i’ll also manage it the best I can, and hopefully spend the next twenty/thrity years writing as often as possible, rather than not at all. I won’t let bad health take away the thing I love, even if I have to accept that it has put some restrictions on it.

So, look out for me writing plenty more books, screenplays, blogs, reviews, and whatever else I choose to do, even if it can’t be at the rate I used to produce them.